Getting Sillier

Oh hey blogosphere, I haven’t seen you in a while. Since I’m incredibly busy, I thought I’d post my first exercise from my creative writing class. The prompt was to write testimony (like court testimony). This way you can a) laugh a little hopefully b) think about what your pet would say about you c) not really, because that’s really corny and d) know what’s going on in my brain. Happy reading (I hope) 🙂

Also, as my friend Kraksy will attest, looking at pictures of guinea pigs makes me unnaturally happy. Here’s a guinea pig for you to smile at before you read (not my guinea pig) (aka the narrator)

Testimony of Cinnamon, a guinea pig

 

My name is Cinnamon, better known as Minnie. I hereby solemnly swear on all that I hold dear (namely, my water bottle, my crawl-tunnel, and my Food Dish which is always plentiful) that I shall now tell nothing but the truth.
It is indeed true that, as a small rodent, I have no long-term memory.
It is also true that thus, I have no memories which could lead to the persecution and/or prosecution of my Owner, she who refills the Food Dish.
It would be out of the bounds of my memory, then, to report that perhaps my Food Dish is not “always plentiful,” as previously stated. I would not recall days when the Food Dish was not refilled.
It would also be impossible for me to state that occasionally, though Owner is supposed to take her medication before she goes to sleep, she often does not sleep until the sun has again risen and thus does not take her medication until that time.
It would be highly improper of me, as I have no recollection of these events, to state that after injecting herself in the leg with the aforementioned medication, Owner just leaves the used syringe sitting on her table. Surely, she would never do something so irresponsible.
It has been told to me, since I would not recall, that I was named Cinnamon due to the fact that I was purchased with another Guinea Pig, who was named Nutmeg, called Meggie. I can assume, through knowledge of Owner’s intelligence, that she did not actually believe us to have been sisters. Having examined photos of the Other Pig, Meggie, I can report that we do not look like sisters at all. Her fur is an entirely different texture.
As I also have no depth perception, it would be hard for me to observe Owner’s actions in a way that would lead to valuable testimony. I have thus never observed Owner stating to her mother “Yes, I will clean my room,” and then proceeding to sit on her floor watching moving images on her keyboard and screen device while eating crunchy puffed grains. I also, of course, speak no English and would not have understood the discourse.
I can also, since I speak no English, not attest to many conversations between Owner and her mother which proceed as follows: the mother says “Clean the Guinea Pig’s cage,” and Owner says “Why? It looks perfectly fine,” while I, Cinnamon, wallow in my own filth. Owner, were I able to understand her, would never say such a thing, nor would she allow me to inhabit an unclean cage.
As Owner is a good Owner and takes care of me well, she would never allow the smaller human, also known as “Devilish Child,” to come into our cage, reach into my smaller cage, and pick me up.
Since she of course would chaperone these visits, were they ever to take place, she would never allow Devilish Child to squish my stomach for many minutes while laughing.
I would not recall, with my limited memory, times when Owner failed to fully protect my cage from outsiders and thus allowed the Medium Sized Mammal to swipe his paw through the bars of my smaller cage. Owner would never allow me to be put in such danger, and if she had, I would not remember.
Based on my limited recollections, which, due to my lack of long-term memory, have all taken place over the past ten minutes, I can assure the court that Owner is a perfectly fit Owner and should be allowed to continue to act as my caretaker.

 

 

[insert catchy song lyric here]

I have an unnatural lyrics obsession. I think being obsessed with lyrics is one of those things (like ugg boots, lipgloss, and making out in stairwells) that was only cool in high school. To those two people who voted that I should write about music, you probably didn’t know what you were getting yourself into.

Songs I used to be incredibly obsessed with (and still kind of am):

“Wondering Where the Lions Are” by Bruce Cockburn

“Greener” by Tally Hall

“Speeding Cars” by Imogen Heap

“Helicopters” by Barenaked Ladies

“Black and Gold” by Sam Sparro

“Friends O’ Mine” by Bowling for Soup

“I Will Possess Your Heart” by Death Cab for Cutie

as well as like 60% of the music made in the 90s. Sadly. I know. I have no taste. But I have fun.

Lyrics are so fantastic. I have to resist the hourly urge to post a lyrics facebook status because I am mature now (read: not in high school) and thus I should have my own thoughts or at least I should have better quotes such as those from very intellectual people.

On the topic of intellectual people: look out for a surprising mother-daughter-blog-post-extravaganza coming your way soon.

My dad said that I should write about only what I want to write about. But isn’t blogging a lot about audience? If a blogger blogs alone in a forest and no one is there to read it… then how the eff are they getting wi-fi? #clever

Speaking of readers, I’m a little giddy because my blog topped 1,000 views. Thank you everyone who reads 🙂 you guys make me cyber happy.

 

Anyway, current favorite songs right now are:

1. “Ray Charles” by Chiddy Bang

2. “Criminal” by Fiona Apple

3. “Freaks and Geeks” by Childish Gambino

4. “Oh My God” by Mark Ronson ft. Lily Allen

5. “The First Single” by The Format

6. “Oliver James” by Fleet Foxes

7. “Fly” by Sugar Ray (in case you were wondering where the 90s music was)

8. “Don’t Call Me Whitney, Bobby” by Islands

9. like everything by Tally Hall. Total Tally Hall phase. Look ’em up.

One of Those Obnoxious Music Posts + News

…but hey, at least it’s not one of those obnoxious disease posts. Since I’m now home from college and away from my magical wonderful friends who steal my heart and my time (whatever time that my classes haven’t already eaten), I’ve been listening to my ipod a lot and generally being antisocial.  JK I love my family. But anyway. Top 10 favorite songs right now are:

 

1. “California Brown and Blue” by Denison Witmer.

2. “Cherry Lips” by Garbage

3. “I’m a Goner” by Matt & Kim ft. Soulja Boy and Andrew W.K.

4. “Jesus Flag American Fish” by Cuckoo Chaos

5. “Sex and Candy” by Marcy Playground

6.  “Undertow” by Warpaint

7.  “Sunshine” by Rye Rye ft MIA

8. “The Underdog” by Spoon

9.  “I Sing I Swim” by Seabear

10. “No Intention” by Dirty Projectors

I guess another reason I’m listening to an obscene amount of music is that it is song selection time (!!) in my a cappella group. This means that we all pick two songs, email them to the group, and then everybody votes, and we do the top two songs. Very stressful. If you have any suggests for what I should propose, let me know, because I’m at a loss.

In other news, I have a doctor’s appointment (probably going to be uneventful due to the severe lack of lesions) on Wednesday and THEN (!!!!!!!) I’m getting my very first tattoo (!!!!!!!!!!!) which I am probably equal parts terrified and pumped for. I’ll post a picture if I actually go through with it. Which I will. Because I’m somehow secretly badass. Maybe.

Also, I’m switching majors (!) from neuroscience to biology (okay, not that big a deal) and considering also switching from government to english (slightly bigger deal). I guess it’s not technically “switching” since my class hasn’t gotten to declare yet (we declare in spring semester of sophomore year) but to me it feels like a switch since I already started the coursework for the majors.

Anyway, I’m gonna go bake something and talk to my lovely family because a) I’m home which means I don’t have to buy ingredients at the campus grocery store which means they don’t cost a million dollars per chocolate chip and b) I love love love my family. As my friend Kraksy would say, D’awwww….

La-di-da It’s Break Time

2 minutes left in my work shift

16 hours until my shuttle leaves campus

28 hours until my last train arrives in Harrisburg

28.75 hours until I’m in my house

2 brothers to hug

2-6 old friends that I’m excited to see

1 paper to write

3 exams to study for

1 day of MRIs in Baltimore

1 Thanksgiving dinner to eat

6 pets to cuddle

1 Thanksgiving break 🙂

Rhode Island Is…

….cold, and I love it! Hello sweaters, blankets, and drizzle. My damaged nerves are so happy! Too bad it’s only a day of bad weather, in a couple days it will be sunshiney again. But that’s okay because Rhode Island is also:

1. beautiful

2. blue and white and green

3. full of seafood

4. full of mansions to gawk at

5. a good place to play apples to apples with my family 🙂