Correction: bff-sky edition

The bff-sky would like me to note that not every boyfriend has been terrible, and that he, in fact, was wonderful to date. Which he was. He’s also great as a best friend and I tend to be extra glad he’s in my life. Btw, we totally used to date. That was a thing. Is this an okay correction?


(Come at me, bro)

Probably not. I told ya it would be embarrassing, Michael.

Learning Moments: Boyfriend Edition

You might recall that I’m not the biggest fan of learning moments. Today was quite the day of learning/some really sucky stuff happened. Not quite ready to talk about it yet, it’ll happen. So instead, I bring you Learning Moments: Boyfriend Edition. The main thing I’ve learned in the past year about dating is that I can’t separate my MS from my love life because that doesn’t work. The MS is permanent, so I’m really more committed to it than to any boy out of necessity. It’s inseparable from the rest of me, so if you date me, you’re dating my MS too. It sucks, but it’s how it is. And yes, this is me breaking my Don’t Blog About Boys rule in the blog post right after I promised to not do that again. With no further disclaimer, here are my Learning Moments, graciously provided by several assholes misguided young adults whose brains are not fully formed and thus I should cut them some slack.

1. If you think I’m faking my MS to get your attention, I don’t want to date you. Because a) I’m not, and b) I’m kinda smart, and realize that there are many diseases that would get more attention than Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis: the disease that makes you feel worse than you look and also c) if you have the capacity to think that about another person who you profess to love, you suck as a human being.

2. If needles make you squeamish and you don’t want to hear about my medication or my disease, I don’t want to date you. If you spend all your time on the internet and don’t take the time to even google what MS is, why am I dating you? And please, dear god, don’t ask me why I feel sick today or tell me to feel better. If you’d taken the time to google my disease, or, say, ask me about it, you’d know it has no cure. The feeling better is not a thing.

3. If you think I’m the tragic heroine in the indie movie that is your life, I don’t want to date you. My feelings for you and your feelings for me don’t mean more because I’m sick. Also, a week and a half ago, I managed to open my front door into my own face out of sheer klutziness. I am not the tragic heroine in any indie movie. They tend to be more graceful.

4. If I’m interested in you because you also have a chronic illness and I think that’s suitable common ground for a relationship, I’m an idiot, and I don’t want to date you. 

5. If my autoimmune disease is kind of a downer and like you really just wanna go out tonight, you can do that, but I don’t want to date you. Not because I don’t want you to have fun, but because I can go out most nights, and it’s sucky that the one night I can’t, I’m stuck alone.

6. If you’re not doing any of these things because you’re the most wonderful, I’m probably currently dating you. Good job, me. Progress.

Oh, It’s Been A While

Hey there, blog. Hey there, Spinal Tapped. Hey there, project that I was going to not ever abandon because I thought it was really important etc etc. It’s been a while! Like, almost a month.

Explanation for that:

  • school. Mainly school, really. Finishing up the semester.
  • MS. Sclerotic neurotic times.
  • Boys. Possibly more on that to come. (yeah, I sneakily date boys and have feelings and that causes me to go off the radar sometimes. Whatever.)

But now I’m back! And on winter break! And being really productive! Which is great since I have an entire internship-ish thing (I’m sure that’s the wrong term and my dad will correct me) at Unboxed Books to do.

I have a thing I wanna talk about. It’s my New Years Resolutions from last year! Here they are, plus status updates on their completion:

1. Get a second tattoo (I’m thinking “live debaucherously”) (why does it say debaucherously is not a word??) (….) 

= will be completed on Wednesday. Tattoo will be revealed after I get it. It’s gonna be really cool. It’s not “live debaucherously” though because I’m saving that one for later.

2. Get an A+. Except I really don’t want to make this a resolution because I’m scared that I’ll try reaaaalllly hard and still not get my A+ and then I’ll be sad. This is a half resolution.

= this happened! Twice! Two of them! Cool.

3. Respond to emails. Haha. But actually.

= this has been mainly happening.

4. Read those books I said I’d read in 2010.

= unfortunately (or fortunately), I stopped caring about this one and have thus not done it.

5. Write something that I’m actually happy with.

= happened! At least twice! Thanks, Professor Chase 🙂

6. Go back home. I’m going to do a tour of former homes I think, hopefully including: Provincetown (MA), Barcelona (Spain), Charlotte (NC), and maybe even San Francisco (CA).

= have been back to Ptown and Charlotte recently-ish, Barcelona will happen this coming summer I think.

7. Do more crazy things. I think I was pretty crazy in high school (hello stumbling home barefoot at 3AM…) and I think I’ve kind of lost my sense of adventure in college, which completely sucks. More adventure please!

= crazy things have happened! (see: boys)

8. Run for an ADP office. Not sure which one!

= greetings from the Senior Treasurer of the Middletown Chapter of the Alpha Delta Phi Society. (Me.)

9. Do ITCOO again!

= I did. It was wonderful.

10. Memorize The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock. Wait! If you haven’t read this poem, immediately stop reading my blog and click HERE. Come back after. Anyway, this is my all-time favorite poem and it would be nice to be able to just know it. All of it. But it’s so long. But I can do it. Gahhh…

= in my defense, my brain is literally dissolving…

So that’s my current status on those. Doing pretty well I think? Also some other cool things that have happened this year that I’d like to be glad happened in a list-y way: (in no particular order and probably leaving out ten million things that I will think of later)

  1. worked in a lab for the first time! Learned a ton, spent a creepy amount of time with rats, etc etc
  2. watched both of my brothers grow up way more in the past year than ever before. Dear brothers, I’m so glad you exist. I think I’ve said this before? I love you incredibly. You’ve dealt with some crazy things this year but you both got through it. I love hanging out with you both. It’s weird at home without Jacob (he’s coming home tomorrow!)!
  3. wrote a thing with my parents that got published online. That was cool. So much teamwork.
  4. decided what I want to do with my life. Which is be a writer. For real. Do the whole MFA thing. Be my parents? Study trauma writing. It’s on.
  5. co-taught a student forum on trauma writing (in the same vein but so significant as its own thing). Best experience thus far. So happy it happened. Such great writing happened.
  6. met some really great people (this also coincides with item 5 but includes tons of other great people)
  7. speaking of which, started dating someone (very very recently) who is wonderful. No, seriously, I’m so happy. What’s happening? It’s weird, y’all. And great. He’s great. This is me breaking my Don’t Blog About Boys rule. Because he’s that great.
  8. wrote more than I ever have ever. Not on this blog. But in other life. This blog will come back to life starting now though.
  9. started doing stand-up comedy? What? Yeah. Surprises. It’s really cool.
  10. this is not an event per se, but I remain very happy that I have the friends and family that I have. I love you all so much.

I also did a lot of academic-y research relating to MS. I think I’ll put some of that up here soon. Some of it is terrifying, some gives me hope. A lot of it made me realize that we have way more questions than answers in this field. I’m nervous, ya know? Degeneration. Could be a thing.

But so

Things to come:

-some MS research-y things

-this year’s New Year’s resolutions!?

-me sticking to my Don’t Blog About Boys rule from now on, but just know that I’m super psyched in that arena of life

-maybe some writing? Like real writing that’s done well unlike this blog post? Forgive me, please, I’m a little rusty.

Peace out, homies. (I’m home) (homies is still a weird thing to say)



PS: This Taylor Swift video is incredible. Not kidding. 

PPS: current quote I can’t get over: “if the spirit is willing enough, all bodies are able.” -Anthony Lane, The New Yorker