Nostalgia. Because Thanksgiving.


Thanksgiving is one of those things that makes people think about tradition. Thanksgiving is all about tradition. At dinner, my mom quoted things that her grandfather and her father used to say at dinner when she was younger.

so it makes me think of other Thanksgivings which is mainly a positive thing

(but two years ago I fell asleep on the couch before dinner and nobody knew why)

I hate looking back and being able to see this coming.

Two summers ago my family went to the beach and the heat made me tired and I stayed inside a lot.

I want to be healthy again? Being in denial and not taking meds isn’t really going to get me there.

Oh right, that’s why I haven’t been blogging. Because I haven’t really been taking my meds. And I feel mainly stupid about it. And I’m feeling more and more angry about this whole disease thing. And discouraged. And scared. And not convinced that the meds are even going to work or do anything. And hey, doctors, if the lesions and the relapses aren’t causing long-term disability… what the fuck is?

But, anyway, things I’m thankful for (in no particular order):

  • parents who put up with me and love me and write about me and take me to get tattoo(s) and figure out IV lines for me and dressing changes for Ben and inhalers for Jacob. Being a parent in this family requires a terrifying amount of medical knowledge.
  • speaking of, brothers who are too cool for (public) school. I’m so glad we’re also friends now. I’m so glad I wasn’t an only child. I mean. Ish. It was nice while it lasted.
  • my whole collection of extended family. I love being related to you! Thanks for accepting mix CDs as gifts and the occasional strange-looking knitting and not hating me for forgetting to return phone calls and emails.
  • my friends. You’re all so wonderful. You do the best things. You’re pretty. I mean all of you.
  • trauma writing as a genre. (Thanks, Mom)
  • my professors. Smart people. Wisdom.
  • food. I love food.
  • Just a few specific collections of friends I’d like to pay special attention to (this is about to get icky and inside joke-y)
  1. Vocal Debauchery. A crazy bunch of kids with hearts full o’debauchery.
  2. Alpha Delta Phi. Way more siblings than I ever expected.
  3. International House! Where we care about important international issues and what’s for house dinner. Mainly that last one.
  4. The Keyform Krew. For making people say “oh right, I forgot your clique had a name” and for group texting and for third walls and for keeping warm, always.
  • Promethazine. Thanks, promethazine. You keep me from throwing up. Usually. It’s great.
  • deoderant. Right?
  • the Internet. Because where else could I get published?

Okay, it’s late, it’s not actually Thanksgiving anymore, and all of you are probably in food comas or carrying new food babies. Sleep well.

One thought on “Nostalgia. Because Thanksgiving.

  1. Cade, We’ve not met but I met your mom at a conference. You and I have the same neurologist and hear the same rhetoric at each appointment and with each new flair that isn’t a flair because of it doesn’t meet x, y and zed criteria. I completely understand your frustration. I’m in the middle of this mess right now, too, and trying to tease out what is disingenuous, what is well-meaning and what is truth. Not easy.

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