That Time When Oprah Was S.O.L.

So. My mom and I both (separately) leafed through her new Oprah magazine and both (separately) were shocked by the same thing. For the last page of the magazine, Oprah always writes a letter to her adoring public (at this point it should become clear that I don’t like Oprah), and this month’s letter was about perseverance in the face of adversity. Not that she’d phrase it that way. It turns out that her new TV network is not doing that well (what? people don’t want a whole channel of Oprah’s not-exactly-expert BFFs giving us advice in various categories? how strange) and so she had to do a bit of being embarrassed and talking about adversity.

At this point in this conversation that I’m having with the internet (aka a blog post), I’d like to introduce an acronym.

SOL- Shit Outta Luck

or at least that is how both my mom and I recognize the letters SOL.

Oprah has decided to be clever and come up with her own acronym! Wow, you go girl, 58 years old and still innovative. Except Oprah’s acronym is kind of … already taken. Here it is:

SOL – Scream Out Loud

er… so that’s awkward. Oprah introduces this acronym and then uses it in her letter thingy. However, if you read it with the more common meaning of SOL in mind, it becomes… comically semi-scatological? Here’s the quote. Try not to SOL.

So when I want to SOL, I usually go to a quiet place. A bathroom stall works wonders. I close my eyes, turn inward, and breathe until I can sense the still, small space inside me that is the same as the stillness in you, and in the trees, and in all things. I breathe until I can feel this space expand and fill me. Then I usually do the exact opposite of SOL: I smile at the wonder of it all.

So. Uh. Trees have bowels? Meditation? Constipation? Gross, Oprah. TMI. (Tree Meditation Influence, clearly)

Probably what makes this even more hilarious to me is the irony. Earlier in the article Oprah says “Today part of the price of success is that my lessons are public. My errors show up on Access Hollywood and the CNN ticker!” #oprahproblems

But anyway. Most likely, this is not actually Oprah’s fault. She probably never heard SOL before and thought her new acronym was the hottest thing since the East Coast heat wave (but really) (it’s hella hot here!). The real blame (probably) falls more to her staff, who were careless/terrified/still living under a rock/sneakily amused/anti-Oprah moles and didn’t tell her that she should probably come up with a different acronym.

but also, Oprah, this is the definition of scream

to utter a loud, sharp, piercing cry.

That definition includes the word loud. Screaming is loud. You don’t need to say you screamed out loud. You can just say you screamed. Or, er, wanted to scream… but meditated about trees instead.

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