Tag Archives: witty thoughts on life
Easy, right? Ideally the object should be one the Intellectual Figure handles every day, to enhance intimacy and mystery (the mystery of, Why the fuck would anyone write about this?) Writing the book is not really the problem, it’s the title. So to make it easier on you, the writer-to-be, we’ve created a list:
Sartre’s Springform Pan
Nietzsche’s Coffee Mug
Van Gogh’s Multivitamins
Monet’s Smartwool Socks
Hume’s Waxed Floss
Beckett’s Fingernail Clippers
Joan of Arc’s Digital Camera
Queen Elizabeth’s Wireless Mouse
Tolstoy’s Brita Pitcher
Historical inaccuracy? Why not speculate on what Joan would have photographed if she could have!
A hipster self-portrait of herself being burned to death after which she tossed the camera away from the fire… Anyway, remember to add hypersexuality, insanity, and death, plus creamed herring for breakfast or whatever weird thing your Intellectual Figure tucks into his or her mouth. We all have mouths, so we want to know this stuff. Add odd habits, such as walking by the clocktower every day at noon, or always washing the left underarm first, or roasting roadkill to save money. Or building teepees out of sticks and calling them magic caves as the apocalypse arrives (apologies to Von Trier–but we would rather roll up in blankets in a closet and suck down some liquor than sit on an exposed hillside without even a sweater if the world was going to end–though the teepee was more picturesque, we grant).
Kathryn & Cade
How refreshing, right? I’m feeling like this blog is really depressing, so I’d like to add in some humor. In case you guys didn’t know, I’m in an a cappella/sketch comedy group (shoutout to VD) so supposedly I can sometimes be funny.
THUSLY, i’m going to write a list. This list is entitled: Things I should Have Said To My ex-Best Friend
1. Your blog is really stupid.
2. Yup, they’re cankles.
3. It’s fun to say LOL
4. But really, you’re the negative one
5. PennState and UPenn are really not the same thing.
6. You’re not a New Yorker after 6 months
7. You’re not a blonde if you have to dye it
8. You’re not an artist if you’re not creative
9. Online dating at 18 is pathetic
10. You don’t believe in evolution? Really???
Tags: cade, cankles, did i mention cankles?, hillary clinton, jk i love hillary clinton, mslifeisbestlife, my mom thinks i should delete this post, sometimes my mom is much nicer than i am, spinal tapped, witty thoughts on life